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Introduction:
This little piece of fan fiction was my entry in a Discworld Monthly contest that gave the participants the challenge to explain how they would assassinate the nigh-unkillable Achchancellor Mustrum Ridcully. I was fortunate enough to win this contest, and am quite proud of what I came up with. However Deviant Art does not appear to support PDF format (or maybe I just can't figure out how to get it to work), so I am afraid that in order to read this you will have to use the link I am providing below.
[link]

Backstory:
A while ago Discworld Monthly hosted a contest in honor of the release of the Hogfather movie. The contest was a sort of search for the next Jonathan Teatime, and gave the participants the challenge to explain how they would assassinate the nigh-unkillable Achchancellor Mustrum Ridcully. I was fortunate enough to win this contest, and am quite proud of what I came up with.
What we have here is a sort of short story that I wrote. It is in PDF format, and is about 1 1/2 Megs in size, so give it a little time to load. Aside from the story it contains a fair amount of image manipulation, from the cover art to the images throughout the text. I did not draw any of the images you see in it, but I did spend a lot of time Photshopping it together from found images. I hope you enjoy this, I received quite a lot of positive feedback about it, so I think you will.

Some people have expressed disappointment that they are not able to view the PDF (even with the link) So I am adding the indvidual pages to Deviant Art as images.

Cover Page - Page 1 - Page 2 - Page 3
Add a Comment:
 
:iconnutcase9:
Nutcase9 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Student General Artist
He found a plan even better than Teatime's, it's a miracle! :D
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:iconkingkenya:
kingkenya Featured By Owner May 4, 2014
A marvellous piece of work, although I don't think they would want to upset Death by interfering with his work so, after all, he is their stock in trade. Apart from that, the art is beautiful, and the idea is original, very well done indeed.
Reply
:iconaltoclarinetist:
AltoClarinetist Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013
I'd love to see him try this plan. I am very glad my roommate was not sleeping when I was reading about the ingredients, Heck, it's a miracle I didn't wake anyone else in the building laughing.
Reply
:iconandrewsalt:
AndrewSalt Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013
I'm glad you enjoyed it, I had fun writing it.

Reply
:iconwritingbunny:
WritingBunny Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Very good!
I wonder how the would-be assassin would react to running into Albert in Death's realm.
Reply
:iconagprov:
AgProv Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Oh... wow. What can I say apart from "this is perfection?" I've already put up a link to this piece on the L-Space Wiki and urged my own group of Terry fans to come and see this near-perfect meeting of fan-fiction and fan-art (if you're OK about that.)

A lot of my own fan-fiction revolves around the Guild of Assassins and its doings and intricacies. the best of it has been kindly received and one or two fans have done me the ultimate favour of saying they cannot tell where Terry's voice ends and mine begins. (The best accolade a fanfic writer can get?).

With future fanfic in mind - could I quote from your piece as if it were an actual "real-life" document lodged in the Black Library? This would be in the context of a career Assassin who is also the Guild's resident teacher in Exothermic Alchemy (blowing things up) looking for new and interesting improvised explosives, and coming across the notes made by the Assassin Andrew Salt in the Black library. Naturally you would be credited and readers advised that the document from which I am quoting is not my invention - full credit would be given along with a link.

I write on FanFic.net under the name A.A. Pessimal. [link] should you wish to check my writing is good enough to be graced by yours.

With sheer astonishment and apprecviation of the thing of beauty you have crafted!
Reply
:iconandrewsalt:
AndrewSalt Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013
Sorry it has been so long sineI have checked comments here. If you still care, feel free to reference my work.

Reply
:iconlesserlessergodtop:
lesserlessergodtop Featured By Owner May 30, 2011
Assasinate Ridcully? b-b-but He's AMAZING!
Reply
:iconricorum:
ricorum Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
This is literally some of the best work I have ever seen. Well done.
Reply
:iconandrewsalt:
AndrewSalt Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2010
Thanks, I am pretty proud of it
Reply
:iconeducatedrodent:
EducatedRodent Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like it that one whole page is devoted to his cruet, and an eighth of that to Wow-Wow Sauce
Reply
:iconveratai:
Veratai Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2009  Hobbyist Artist
This is awesome ;D
Reply
:iconbocaj-claw:
Bocaj-Claw Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008
Very imaginative. It sounds well-researched.
Reply
:icondeesloth:
deeSloth Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
Very well done, a good chuckle - as well as a seemingly plausible thing for an Assassin to have to get through to kill Ridcully. :P
Reply
:iconmilliebee:
MillieBee Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
My God! Teatime would be proud :XD:.
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:icondbain15:
dbain15 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2008
that is amazing>., I especially loved reading about the failed assanation attempts, great stuff!
Reply
:icondbain15:
dbain15 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2008
Dammed broken keyboard, now its stuck their.... well it was supposed to be "assassination" not my hideously incorrect version:(
Reply
:iconjeminisoul:
Jeminisoul Featured By Owner May 18, 2008
That's absolutely brilliant. Mr Teatime himself would be proud. (That is a compliment btw XD)
Reply
:iconmage-the-observer:
Mage-the-Observer Featured By Owner May 16, 2008  Student Writer
The detail given to Ridcully's lethal condiments on page 2 made this for me. Awesome stuff man.
Reply
:iconandrewsalt:
AndrewSalt Featured By Owner May 16, 2008
Thanks.. I had fun writing it.
Reply
:iconkyimoto:
Kyimoto Featured By Owner May 16, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
It's slightly scary to think that that could actually work. I commend your efforts Sir Assassin.
Reply
:iconleonca:
Leonca Featured By Owner May 10, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Very professional looking! =) Man, that’s a scary thought. Imagine the kind of damage you could do. I imagine there would be some kind of punishment for messing with Death like that, so even if you were successful you would probably be in trouble…
Reply
:iconevil-stan:
Evil-Stan Featured By Owner May 9, 2008
Da-amn.
Reply
:iconsoulstripper:
Soulstripper Featured By Owner May 9, 2008
Wow,that's a good one. Definitely. Still, if that plan were ever to be carried out,I'd keep praying that something went wrong with it,Ridcully's not that bad ;P
Reply
:iconandrewsalt:
AndrewSalt Featured By Owner May 9, 2008
I think Ridcully rocks, so I certainly would not want to see him bumped off either. There are a few holes in the plan. For instance, the assassin would have no way to find the specific lifetimer they are looking for. Also, the Rite of AshKente isn't exactly a prison. I am fairly sure that Death would be fully capable of returning to his realm whenever he wanted. If not, Albert and The Death of Rats (maybe even Susan) would still be around to foil any trespassers. But since there is really no way for the author to know of these problems, he doesn't mention them.
Reply
:iconsoulstripper:
Soulstripper Featured By Owner May 15, 2008
Indeed. Ridcully rocks,even with just annoying everyone he can around him - and he's so much more than that. I must agree with you, the plan does seem achievable but not a 100% safe from failure. Albert was the first thing I thought of as an impediment,too. One should never trust grumpy old people,especially if they can't be killed in Death's realm. Anyway,it was still pretty brilliant.
Reply
:iconandrewsalt:
AndrewSalt Featured By Owner May 16, 2008
Yea... aside from Albert being a powerful wizard, the man swings a mean frying pan. ;)
Reply
:iconsoulstripper:
Soulstripper Featured By Owner May 25, 2008
Yup,generally immortal grumpy old guys with frying pans can do a lot of damage,very true.
Reply
:iconpippin4242:
Pippin4242 Featured By Owner May 9, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Pure genius! I'll bet it hadn't occurred to Pratchett, either! :D
Reply
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